Changewinds' Ink

I'm pretty new to the BDSM stuff, and was curious why everyone says 50 Shades was so bad. I hope that's not a stupid question.... I'm just really curious what's the matter with their portrayal of that sort of relationship

Mon, 25 Jun 2018 15:15:23 -0400

The issue was how things were portrayed. Readers focused on the sex and not on the scenes between fucking.

BDSM is not about spanking, or handcuffing, or sliding an ice cube down your lover’s chest. It’s about mutual respect and consensual alternatives to pleasure. It’s often not even about sex. You can be a virgin who is into BDSM. (Please read “Nana to Kaoru” for an example of good BDSM between virgins.)

“Fifty Shades of Grey” is a story about suppressing a woman and attempting to mold her into a BDSM slave, mostly against her wishes. It crossed lines the BDSM community would never dare cross. There was not full consent, there was a massive lack of mutual respect, and the dominance went beyond playtime. It claimed to be about sadomasochism, when what it really portrayed is a domestic abuse relationship.

I’m going to partially quote this website and this blog to show what actions Christian Grey uses against Ana which are in direct violation of the very essence of BDSM.

Duties of the Dom - This is the heart of BDSM. There is mutual trust between two or more people, a Dominant and a Submissive. There are rules and restrictions to keep everything safe, sane, and consensual. That mutual respect was not shown in the books. The BDSM community, and the duties of a Dom, were completely mocked. First, the contract was shown as a literal legal binding contract, which is WAY over the top. Normally, contracts are just verbal, “Can I do this? Is this okay?” Only rarely are they written down, mostly if the Dom has multiple Subs and needs to remember which restrictions to follow. Granted, Christian is some rich-ass bloke so he might need that legal side so some Sub doesn’t turn around and sue his ass for being an abusive fucker, but then he pressures Ana into signing it, which is precisely against the reason to have a contract between a Dom and Sub in the first place. If someone is not comfortable with an act, you NEVER pressure them into it. If they are not interested in BDSM and don’t want anything to do with it, holy fucking hell, DON’T EVER DEMAND THEY DO IT ANYWAY.

The first rule of BDSM Club: don’t force others into BDSM Club.

As a Dom, as soon as he realized she was NOT into the BDSM scene, he should have left her. You can’t force someone into being your Sub. Oh God, I can’t stress enough how utterly WRONG that is!!! Now, he could have dated her, eased her into it, started off with light things, worked her into more. But no. He flat out did not want to date her. He only wanted sex and a slave, and he didn’t want to wait for her to get used to it. He had ZERO consideration for her emotional well-being, which is against the very ESSENCE of being a Dom. He could have gotten an actual Slave, but no… for some godforsaken reason, he wanted her. Maybe that was part of the appeal to him: getting his way with someone who was not fully willing, breaking her in. That’s horrible to think about and puts a terrifying twist on the entire series, but it explains why he pressured Ana into this instead of going out and getting a real Slave.

Give me a moment to explain something important. What Christian Grey wanted is not out of bounds for BDSM. What he wanted was a Slave, and that’s fine. There is an actual category of submissives known as Slaves. They are a rarity, because not many people are willing to have their lives so thoroughly controlled. BDSM Slaves crave to have that control placed over them. They want someone to control what they wear, what they eat, who they hang out with, etc. Mentally, they need this extreme level of control placed over them, or they simply can’t function well. We see a Slave in the ex-submissive, and we see how Christian dropped her so coldly, she honestly could not handle the freedom. That was horrifically cruel of him. Slaves have a delicate mental state, and a good Dom caters to their emotional needs even after they no longer want that person as their Sub. Ana is not a Slave. She doesn’t want this level of extreme submissiveness, and she’s vocal about it. Most of the not-sex storyline is her balking at his restrictions. It’s the main source of conflict in the first novel: she doesn’t want her diet to be restricted, he forces her to eat more, sometimes sitting there and intimidating her until she eats. He KEEPS PRESSURING HER and demanding that she obey all those rules, and she keeps attempting to reassert her freedom only to have her opinions and requests bluntly ignored, or only grudgingly compromised. THAT RIGHT THERE is a huge violation of BDSM. The biggest thing separating BDSM from domestic abuse is consent and intent. She did not give her consent to be a pure Slave. He kept demanding it. BAM! NOT FUCKING BDSM!!! The entire relationship, each and every act, is not BDSM, because it lacks the respect and mutual trust a Dom and Sub must have.
Intimidation - He threatens to hit Ana for getting drunk before they’re even in a relationship. He again threatens to hit her if she rolls her eyes at him, and when she does, he follows through. When he attempts to feel up her leg at the restaurant and she pushes his hand away, he glares at her, as if to say “you’ll pay for this.” In chapter 18, they’re discussing his desire to spank her again. When Ana asks if he’s going to hit her, he replies: “Yes, but it won’t be to hurt you. I don’t want to punish you right now. If you’d caught me yesterday evening, well that would have been a different story…” So, basically, had he seen her the previous night, when she simply forgot to call him, he’d have hit her in order to actually hurt her, rather than as a part of a sexy, consensual BDSM scene. That’s called physical abuse, guys. He also has a habit of yanking her arm or forcefully carrying her whenever she doesn’t want to go with him. It’s passive at times, but he uses intimidation and flat out threats through all aspects of his life, not just in the playroom. Threatening to hit someone as punishment for perfectly normal actions, like forgetting to call, drinking with friends, or not wanting intimacy in public, is abuse.
Possessiveness - He shows anger when she visits her own mother but does not tell him. He gets jealous of her male friends and demands she not hang around them. These are classic warning signs of domestic abuse.
Stalking - THIS was plain creepy, maybe because I’ve had a few stalkers in my life. Christian Grey takes stalking to a whole other level. He shows up at her workplace, her apartment, he repeatedly calls her when she won’t respond, he even flies across the country to harass her at her mom’s house when she obviously went there to escape from his abusiveness.
Imprisonment - It was right in the fucking contract. “The Dominant reserves the right to dismiss the submissive from his service at any time and for any reason. The submissive may request her release at any time, such request to be granted at the discretion of the Dominant.” She even catches it. He’s allowed to drop her at any time, for any reason, but if she wants to break up… nope, she has to BEG FOR PERMISSION which may or may not be granted. That… shiiiit… I hope I don’t have to explain how utterly wrong that is.
Dubious Consent - He bypasses consent. A LOT. Even with the contract, he openly admits that he got her drunk so that she would agree to it. What. The. Fuck. Oh, but she “communicates better” when she’s drunk. Folks, never trust someone who purposely gets you drunk so you’ll have kinky sex with them. This means the entire contract is legally void, since she agreed under the influence. It means their entire relationship as a BDSM couple is void as well.
Gaslighting - This term has been in the media a lot, and you can find it in many things Christian Grey says. It boils down to saying and doing things which makes a person’s perception and sense of reality invalid. He preys on her lack on confidence, right from Chapter 3 and their first date, makes her question just about everything that is her reality, and then invalidates her opinions by enforcing his demands.
Bodily Respect - There are so many examples of this through all three books. In the “sex on her period” scene, he actually yanks her tampon out, without asking if that’s okay first, which by her reaction, IT WAS NOT. Many women compare such a personal violation as equal to rape itself. Having been a victim of something similar, that scene really angered me. Even worse was about birth control. Ana didn’t want to be on the pill. Christian flat out demanded and threatened her to take it because he didn’t like condoms. Holy fucking shit, NO! A thousand times NO! And then every time she doesn’t take them, he’s outraged. When she ends up pregnant, he’s so furious that she honestly fears he’s going to leave her. HE COULDN’T JUST PUT A RUBBER ON HIS DICK??? No, he has to force his girlfriend into taking a pill with horrible side effects, a pill she has to take daily rather than him just covering his dick when he wants sex, or get a shot which is painful for her, all because he doesn’t like fucking with a condom on. And then he’s practically like, “If you don’t obey me, you won’t get sex.” Godfuckingdammit, I cannot even begin to express how outraged I was at Christian for THAT ALONE!
Comfort Zone Breach - Not just Christian, but Ana has flaws. It’s okay if our partner doesn’t want certain levels of intimacy. What’s not okay is when you’re in a longterm relationship, you want something, your partner does not, and you try to demand it. One of them wants to go out on dates, the other hates that idea. One wants to sleep in the same bed, the other wants their partner in a completely separate room, upstairs, away from them. That’s a sign that this isn’t going to work out, and that’s what Ana and Christian struggle through. He compromises, but grudgingly. He doesn’t WANT to compromise, he shouldn’t NEED to, and she shouldn’t FORCE him to change his comfort zone. Then there’s the touching his chest thing. He repeats many times, don’t touch his chest. Simple, right? She keeps trying. Now, I picked up on this because my husband has the same issue. I can touch everywhere but his nipples. Those are a hard limit no-touch zone. I couldn’t understand why until he finally told me about his issue. Hard limits are often connected to abuse, so they’re difficult to explain even to a loving partner, which is WHY they should be HONORED. Ana does not honor Christian’s bodily comfort zone. She keeps trying, keeps at it, becomes fixated on touching his chest. Jesus, woman, he doesn’t want it touched, don’t fucking touch it!
Ignoring Instincts - She completely ignores and suppresses her inner voice. (Not the pirouetting thing, but the sane side of her brain.) She complains about Christian to her roommate, she does not feel comfortable around him, she despises the idea of being his “sex slave” when he first mentions BDSM. Once Ana has experienced being spanked, she finds that she has mixed feelings about it. She emails Christian and tells him that she was shocked to find herself aroused by it, as during the spanking, she felt abused. ABUSED. Any caring Dom would immediately realize their partner isn’t up for BDSM at all, or they need to slow this WAAAAAY down. But Christian? No. He replies: “If that is how you feel, do you think you could try to embrace these feelings? Deal with them for me? That’s what a submissive would do.” Are you kidding me you fucking little manipulative piece of shit??? Yeah, so in other words, “Hey, sorry you feel like I abused you, but you know… you gotta just accept it, because other girls would.” And she doesn’t even realize she’s just told him he’s being ABUSIVE and he’s just slammed her down. Fuck, girl! She even calls her mother in tears when she realizes how horribly her relationship with him is. Instead of realizing she was right from the very first spank and she’s being abused, she keeps returning to him.
“He Will Change” Mentality - Oh God, this one! It’s so common that people (no matter the gender) don’t see just how wrong it is. “He will change. I’ll change him. I can make him better.” Or even worse, this idealistic concept: “If you try hard enough, be patient, love enough, the person you are with will eventually come around and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.” Jesus Christ on a popcicle stick NO! This is dangerous, potentially DEADLY. This is how you get into toxic relationships that can seriously harm you. When making important decisions, such as entering into a relationship, it’s important to base that decision on who the person is today – not who they may become tomorrow. You likely won’t change them. You shouldn’t be burdened to do that. It’s seriously fucking dangerous, okay???
Rape - I saved this one for last, because it shocks almost every casual reader who liked the series. Yes, Christian Grey rapes Ana. He’s a rapist. She was sexually violated by her boyfriend. Okay, so here’s the scene. Christian turns up at her apartment (uninvited). He tries to seduce Ana, she tells him that she doesn’t want sex and would rather talk. He does not respect her wishes and continues to be forceful. “‘No,’ I protest, kicking him off.” After such a definite “no” to sex, he replies: “If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet, too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you. Keep quiet. Katherine is probably outside listening, right now.” He then proceeds to have sex with her, in spite of her trying to kick him away and saying a rather firm “No!” That’s rape, by the way. EL James writes that Ana enjoys the sex that Christian forced on her, so we’re meant to ignore the fact that she asked him to stop and even physically tried to force him away. She enjoyed it, so that makes it all okay, right? Fucking Satan with a dildo NO! I don’t care if he’s got a cock to rival Zeus, rape is rape, even if it felt good! If a person doesn’t want sex, and sex is forced upon them, especially under threat like what he did, I don’t care if you’re dating, married, if you orgasmed, if it felt FUCKING AWESOME … it was still a rape.

Meet Christian Grey: confirmed rapist!

Ugh… I hope this wordy rant explains why “Fifty Shades of Grey” is not about BDSM, but about abuse and the suppression of a young and rather naive woman by a powerful and dominating man. Maybe the sex scenes were hot (when they weren’t utterly repulsive), but when you take out all the fucking and spanking, what happens between the two of them in day-to-day life is a terrifying example of domestic abuse.

BDSM is so much more beautiful than that. It’s mutual, it’s respectful, it honors the Submissive as something precious, a gift bestowed upon the Dominant, to be cherished and spoiled … not a Dominant who demands, pesters, belittles, coerces, threatens, and ultimately rapes the Submissive.

When people in the BDSM community learn about a person like Christian Grey, they shun that person. They warn Subs against getting involved, because that’s not BDSM. It’s abuse. It’s dangerous, potentially life-threatening. I can’t help but wonder if that’s precisely WHY Christian Grey chased after a neophyte like Ana. Maybe the BDSM community in Seattle had heard the stories and knew he was bad news. He apparently left a trail of shattered Slaves in his wake, and that doesn’t go unnoticed, even if it’s not reported due to respect for privacy and not “outing” someone to the police.

Maybe he went after Ana because the BDSM community knew not to get involved with him, and since he simply couldn’t find a real Slave, he decided to create one of his own, someone who wouldn’t know the boundaries, wouldn’t see when he crosses them, and wouldn’t realize the idea that “you can’t leave me unless I give you permission” is total and utter bullshit.

Abusive behavior is something you really do have to watch out for, not just in the BDSM scene, but in every relationship. BDSM practitioners just happen to notice the abuse easier, since we know the vital importance of consent, intent, and mutual respect. EL James obviously did not understand the importance of consent to the BDSM community. She wrote a fanfic about Twilight characters fucking, she turned it into a novel, and she truly had no understanding of the community she was so poorly portraying.

Fifty Shades of Grey is not about BDSM. It’s a story about abusiveness interspersed with kinks. Not BDSM fucking. Just kinky fucking.

whovianfeminism: bbcamerica: ANNOUNCING: Doctor Who is heading...

Fri, 15 Jun 2018 19:39:19 -0400

whovianfeminism:

bbcamerica:

ANNOUNCING: Doctor Who is heading to SDCC!
Join panel moderator Chris Hardwick for the new cast’s first ever San Diego Comic-Con appearance ahead of the new season, premiering this Fall on @bbcamerica! For details, click here!

Chloe Dykstra revealed today that Chris Hardwick abused her throughout their relationship. (Trigger warnings for abuse, sexual assault, and anorexia.)

I believe Chloe, and I stand with her.

Chris Hardwick must immediately be removed from moderating the Doctor Who panel at Comic-Con.

Having listened to many of his podcasts, I believe her. Even if he didn’t show it publicly, too much of her abuse aligns with the work-obsessed guy Hardwick is. Sad and shocking to say the least, but I did wonder what happened with Chloe since it seemed he stopped talking about her quickly enough.

nevver: Arthropoda Iconicus This is really well done.

Fri, 15 Jun 2018 14:20:41 -0400

nevver:

Arthropoda Iconicus

This is really well done.

bunjywunjy: LET US PREY guess what, it’s time for an all-new exciting episode of Weird Biology!...

Mon, 04 Jun 2018 20:00:24 -0400

bunjywunjy:

LET US PREY

guess what, it’s time for an all-new exciting episode of Weird Biology! today we’re investigating this lovely flower that I just found. it was just sitting innocently on a tree branch and it’s a lovely shade of pink, so I-

hang on, it just moved.

what the fuck. lemme just…

aaand it just stabbed me in the finger. sorry folks, turns out we aren’t dealing with a flower at all! it’s the frilly, fashionable master of disguise,

AHA! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG! STAB!

the first westerner to describe the Orchid Mantis in 1879 (a journalist from Australia) thought he was seeing a moving, carnivorous flower! obviously he was wrong, as flowers absolutely don’t do that! ha ha! (the point is, it’s an easy mistake to make. especially if you’re a journalist from 1879.)

the Orchid Mantis is a perfect flower mimic, with a dazzlingly sinister sense of fashion.

SO sinister.

the Orchid Mantis is found in the rainforests of Southeast Asia, from Malaysia to Thailand. they are small and delicate, covered with High Femme pastel frills that conceal their deadly mantid forelegs. (mostly. it’s like seeing the outline of a switchblade under a fancy skirt.)

females grow to be about 3 inches long, while males barely reach half that. they range in color from delicate pinks to lacy purples to eggshell white to that obnoxious pale yellow you only see in Easter decorations.

and except for the giant alarming eyeballs, they look exactly like, well. orchids.

THE BETTER TO SEE YOU WITH, MY DEAR.

like all praying mantids, the Orchid Mantis is a carnivore who feasts on the flesh and possibly souls of lesser insects. but with their fantastically flamboyant fashions, how are they supposed to hunt? well, the answer probably won’t surprise you!

because the Orchid Mantis looks so much like a flower, the pollinators come to it. butterflies, bees, moths, you name it. they buzz in, thinking they’ll get a mouthful of nectar and some pollen like good buggy citizens. and what does the Mantis do when these well-meaning helpful friends show up?

why, they prey.

THE BETTER TO STAB YOU WITH, MY DEAR.

also like all praying mantids, the Orchid Mantis worships the silent gods of Slice n’ Dice. when a delicious butterfly or bee bumbles too close, the Mantis promptly stabs the fuck out of it with a lightning-fast strike, and chows down.

in other words, they’re three inches of Death Metal contained under a thin veneer of tea party.

maybe a tea party where the hostess stabs you in the chest.

when they aren’t victimizing kind and helpful insects who only wanted to see a cool flower, the Orchid Mantis goes about the business of continuing the species. since adults only live about 8 months in the wild, this is more of an urgent matter than you would expect.

because Orchid Mantises are pretty rare and not studied often, we’re not actually sure how the deed is done in the wild. (I’M FINE WITH THAT.) if it’s anything like captive breeding programs, most of the dudes just get straight-up eaten. the Orchid Mantis lady is in complete and terrifying control of the situation, and often prefers a snack to the gentle embrace of a lover.

mantids are just kind of like that.

role model?

if the dude mantis is successful in his efforts, the lady mantis will then go off and lay 50-100 eggs clustered on a stem surrounded by a gross protective foam. in 5 to 6 weeks, the baby mantises will emerge and begin eating each other immediately.

(mantises are HARDCORE.)

seriously though, the babies (which look like itty-bitty adults) are red and black when they hatch. they disperse rapidly into the underbrush, at least the ones who don’t get cannibalized by a sibling. (that was real. did you think that wasn’t real?)

in a few weeks, the babies will molt and grow out of their Goth phase, emerging in the true High Femme style of their parents.

WE WILL NEVER SLEEP! ‘CAUSE SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!

because Orchid Mantises are so rarely seen, we’re not actually sure how they’re doing in the wild. it is believed that they are under threat from habitat destruction, as many of the rain forests they live in are plowed over. these frilly creatures need protection and support if we want them to still lurk stabbily in the wild.

however, the Orchid Mantis is extensively bred in captivity for the pet trade. it is the most popular kind of Mantis in the pet trade (for very good reasons), and its beauty and stabby nature will likely be around for a long time yet.

whether you like it or not.

–

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee or check out my Patreon to see extra content and support Weird Biology.

–

IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Discover Magazine img2- Science Friday img3- Wannabe Entomologist img4- featuredcreature img5- Entonation img6- NPR img7- US Mantis img8- Discover magazine

Pretty, pretty mantids!

It is pride month. How is the shark?

Mon, 04 Jun 2018 17:50:09 -0400

Gettin’ by 👍

birdandmoon: New comic: climate change...

Mon, 04 Jun 2018 12:46:59 -0400

birdandmoon:

New comic: climate change consensus!

http://www.birdandmoon.com/comic/consensus/

The cell phone battery one seems like it might bring it home the most.

I was walking behind a woman for five minutes and she got catcalled three times.

Thu, 24 May 2018 13:27:48 -0400

runnerfivestillalive:

thingsididntknowwereerotic:

rafi-dangelo:

I usually walk everywhere with my headphones on, but I had them in my bag and I was reading a book on my phone instead (I do that when the foot traffic is light). A young Latina was coming down the street as I was coming up the avenue, and when she got to the corner a few paces ahead of me, she turned to walk in the direction I was going. We were traveling at the same speed, but since she was like ten paces ahead and it’s bright outside in the middle of the day, I didn’t feel the need to fall back or slow down to give her more space. At night, I try not to walk too close behind women just so they don’t feel like I’m any sort of threat.

We got to a corner and this dude standing outside of the bodega was like, “Slow down mama where you goin? You don’t have to work today, you can stop and speak.”

She didn’t break her stride. “I’m going to the gym.” The Walk sign was on, so I didn’t break mine either.

A block later, a young guy was coming toward us on the sidewalk riding his bike.

“What’s good shorty?”

She didn’t respond.

“Well you was lookin, you can say something, stuck up bitch.”

We kept walking.

In the middle of the next block, an older man was walking toward us and he put on a friendly smile and said, “Smile young lady, it’s a beautiful day.”

I don’t know if she smiled, but we kept walking. She went into the gym and I kept on toward where I was going thinking about how that was just five minutes of her day. How many other blocks of five minutes are just like that?

Only one of them was truly aggressive. The other two guys seemed nice enough and it felt more like a pleasant compliment. It felt like the kind of thing a guy says who argues with women online about catcalling. “We’re not all bad guys. We can’t even compliment women? We can’t even say something nice?”

No. You really can’t. I was annoyed in that five minutes and I just happened to be walking behind her with no headphones on. Can you imagine those five minutes over and over every day of your life? Nobody wants to be spoken to by strangers day in and day out forever regardless of what they’re saying.

So no. You can’t say anything. The quality of your life has not decreased because you aren’t allowed to say nice things to strange women on the sidewalk, but your silence greatly increases the quality of hers. So just be quiet, and let her go where she’s going.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I’ve had so many guys go from “friendly” to threat in an instant that those all just read as aggressive to me. When OP said only one had been aggressive and the other two were friendly, I was baffled, and had to go back and re-read.

They’re all aggressive.

I don’t care if a catcaller honks or yells profanity or yells “compliments”. The words men wrap catcalling up in are irrelevant. They’re all aggressive reminders that as far as these guys are concerned, this woman is there for them. They’re all announcements that some random guy has focused his attention on you. Will he let you walk by? Will he follow you? Will he get violent? If anything, the “friendly” ones are worse, because they’re shielding themselves.

They are not “just being friendly”. We know this, because they don’t do it to men.

In winter, with my short hair, I can put on a hoodie and pass for a guy. Suddenly, random strangers don’t feel a need to be “friendly” at me. The difference is dramatic and abrupt.

There is no friendly catcalling. Catcalling is not annoying simply because it’s repetitive and constant. Catcalling is annoying because it’s a threat, every single time. It’s draining, because you have to react to defuse the threat, every single time. What’s going to be best this time? Answer his question? Ignore him? Smile? Avoid eye contact? Scowl and look ready for a fight?

No matter what you choose, sometimes it won’t work, and then you have a guy stopping his car in your path, screaming threats and profanity at you in the street. Again. Or following you home. Or chasing you. AGAIN.

And when you tell people about you’re told he was flirting. You shouldn’t have smiled, you encouraged him. You shouldn’t have ignored him, he was just being friendly. You should have ignored him, he just wanted attention. You shouldn’t have defended yourself, it only escalated things.

There is no friendly catcalling. Just don’t.

And if you don’t respond the “right way” to catcalling, you’re suddenly a “bitch”, “not that pretty anyway”, “F**k you”. Not all the time, but like any other type of harassment, you don’t know what the roulette wheel’s going to land on. Somehow, them paying you a compliment is some great thing you need to reward them for, even though it was unsolicited in the first place.

eliciadonze: deadgodjess: eliciadonze: paintmeahero: eliciadonze: 99thpercentile: thought...

Thu, 24 May 2018 12:08:59 -0400

eliciadonze:

deadgodjess:

eliciadonze:

paintmeahero:

eliciadonze:

99thpercentile:

thought experiment:

a fanartist shares her work online. it’s good. astonishingly good, so good that even people outside of fandom can appreciate it.

is it okay to send this artist death threats?

this artist is a bit arrogant maybe? like she sometimes responds to compliments on her artwork with agreement. she believes she’s extremely talented and doesn’t act humble about it or downplay it.

how about now? are death threats okay? what about rape threats?

you think her artwork might be fake, actually. most people’s first response to seeing her art is “this isn’t a photo???” and now you’re looking at it and…maybe it IS a photo and she’s just put a filter over it/done some clever editing in photoshop. you feel duped.

is it okay to send her death threats now? or rape threats? or maybe a message telling her to kill herself? she’s faking art for popularity, after all.

even if her art isn’t fake, she seems to produce a lot of fandom wank and drama. she constantly whines about the hate she gets, probably just to get sympathy points. maybe she’s also faking the supposed hate she gets for attention.

hell, if she wants to be pitied for getting hate, why not give her some? is it okay to send death threats, rape threats, suicide baiting at this point?

people say nice things to her and she bites their head off. she posts the anon hate she gets, including some of the graphic rape threats, without trigger warnings. she ignores advice to turn off anonymous messages and block/report the people who send her hate. she seems mean. she seems utterly unwilling to accept help.

how about now?

considering all of that, is it okay to send her death threats? rape threats? suicide baiting?

I sincerely fucking hope you already know the answer is no, no, no, no, no, it is never fucking okay to send those things to someone. not even if they seem like an obstinate asshole who gets way more credit than they deserve.

and you’ve probably already guessed that this is about a real person. if you’ve been in fandom spaces for any length of time, you’ve almost certainly seen art by @eliciadonze (also known as euclase). that art you saw and went “I’m sorry did you say this was a drawing?!?” was probably hers. she’s amazing. and she’s been getting hate, death threats, rape threats, suicide baiting, every single day, primarily from the Supernatural fandom,

for 10+ years

it’s not fucking okay. even if you believe every rumor you’ve heard about her or you’ve personally seen how she handles the hate she gets and you disapprove. if you’ve ever sent Elicia a hateful message, you are cordially invited to fucking unfollow me.

for the record,

she really is that talented

she worked hard for that talent and how much pride she takes in it is not up to you

she gets hate when anon is off, and she turns it on so she can post the hate, because posting non-anon hate is dangerous for her

she posts the hate because sometimes she just doesn’t fucking want to be alone with it anymore, which is completely understandable

it’s not suspicious that she later deletes the hate. she’s allowed to not want to keep their vitriol up on her blog, for any reason

blocking and reporting people who send her hate is dangerous for her

she gets hate on every platform and through her email. she cannot turn this off if she just, like, really tried

she does not know who to trust because the same people who send nice messages send anon hate. she’s discovered people she thought were her friends had sent anon hate upon blocking the anon. I personally witnessed someone make a pretense of running a blog archiving her Supernatural fanart for her, only to reveal themselves as a hater doing this just to insult her at the end of it, for no reason other than to undermine her trust in people. you do not understand the extent to which people hate her.

traumatized people are not obligated to be unfailingly nice to people before they deserve kindness, before they deserve a life without abuse

she’s trying to tag trigger warnings, but if you’re more outraged over her neglecting to tag triggering messages directed at her because someone else might be affected by it than over someone sending her the triggering message in the first place…your outrage is performative and you fail at being compassionate towards people in situations with any kind of nuance

she did not do anything to deserve this. she does not deserve this. no one deserves this.

TL;DR: if you’ve ever sent @eliciadonze a hateful message, you aren’t welcome on my blog. she doesn’t deserve the daily abuse she gets.

(if you want to support Elicia her ko-fi is here and she appreciates reblogs of her artwork.)

Hi please reblog the shit out of this amazing coherent message from a kind person who understands why victim blaming is bad for all of us

I invite people who are upset about how she handles anything, people who attack her because she, in her fear and anger, has said “this fandom can go fuck itself”, people who say “but it’s not all of us” “Why does she have to hate all of us” to change the words to: But it’s not all men. Why does she have to hate all men? She’s screaming at all men because of a few of us, fuck her, she deserves what she gets.

Is it okay then?

If it’s not okay then, why is it okay … now?

I was surprised when fandom came out of the woodwork to be like “stop blaming all of us.” I assumed that 1) they could see how much hate I was getting and would understand and b) the nuance was obvious for the exact reasons you mention. Surely a group of mostly women can see that a phrase like “spn fandom is trash” is the same as “men are trash.” It’s a girl being upset by a pattern of attack. It’s a girl lashing out at behavior, not at any individuals.

Maybe not everyone in the SPN fandom behaves this way. Maybe they don’t all send hate. But when I get hate, and when people behave this way—it’s always the SPN fandom. That’s the pattern.

But. They couldn’t see that? They can’t? They won’t? They have done everything they can to not listen. They’ve tried to invalidate me every way possible.

And I think it’s because they take an outburst like “fandom is trash” as a personal attack on them that therefore gives them the right to make personal attacks on me in return. They think it’s fair to hit back.

They singled me out. They’re still singling me out. All their posts name me.

But I never singled them out. I never named names.

My experience with fandom is that they like to use social justice rhetoric when it’s convenient , either for extolling the virtues of their interests or punishing those they don’t like (ship wars… ugh ship wars…). When it comes to applying said rhetoric in a manner that is self critical it’s just not happening.

It doesn’t help that while, yeah, fandom is largely women, it’s largely *white* women, and this fandom in particular is centered on a show about straight white dudes, and a lot of dead women and queer people. Diversity is just and canon fodder.

So I was sadly not surprised they pulled the “not all x” and “no true scotsman” arguments out against you like that. Just tired and incredibly angry.

Especially as you ARE a white person in fandom I trust to get the nuances of this kind of crap and it’s like your compassion was thrown in your face.

I’ve noticed with pretty glaring consistency that black women and fans of color are more compassionate, understanding, nonjudgmental, and supportive of my situation.

So much of the responses to proof of hate remind me of Gamergate and “not all men” that it doesn’t matter if a great deal of the SPN fandom is queer and/or female, the overall attitude seriously comes across as misogynistic and precisely like the people Tumblr likes to rail against. And to think that this is only one voice, the most vocal of all the abused fans in the fandom.

Photorealism already gets an extra degree of hate if you aren’t an established famous artist, precisely because people who aren’t paying attention think you can fake it that easily and it isn’t an art form that’s favored by everybody. No need to pile on extra hate, just because you personally feel attacked by someone who’s been a victim for a long, long time.

It also doesn’t matter if you turn on “anon” or not. The internet itself fosters anonymity and it seems that without real interaction, it’s really easy for some people to spew their anger and bully people, whether they’d be comfortable with doing that in their daily life or not.

lovelylilacdream: naamahdarling: tulpamom: thewormwood: thatd...

Wed, 16 May 2018 21:38:58 -0400

lovelylilacdream:

naamahdarling:

tulpamom:

thewormwood:

thatdruidbitch:

itsalburton:

infinitespaceinsomniac:

deanplease:

kairibloodheart:

phantasy-wolf:

firmmaster:

littlegeekworld:

Rule #1 when you see Hilda. Reblog her. Always.

Celebrating full sized women everywhere

Omg always relog.

she is so adorable and has such great expressions I sometimes forget she is a pin up girl

She is sexy as fuck.

THIS BODY IS SEXY AS FUCK.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

*softly with feeling* she’s beautiful

This has to be Depression era WW2. She’s wearing bikinis made from flour sacks, which people made clothes from because they were shit poor and companies decided to put floral prints and colors on their bags to make those improvised clothes.

You also have to appreciate that she’s a hard worker, growing her own food, fixing her own plumbing and still retaining her femininity. That’s definitely a sign of the times.

There’s another post about Hilda I can’t find right now, but yeah, it’s spot on, she was popular during the war and was created to be more a “girl next door” type.

@blackteaandbones
FOUND IT. This is the series we were goin’ on about on the way to Kingston.

what I love best about Hilda is that you can learn this about her personality just from a handful of moments with her and you can’t help but love her. She’s kind and indulgent and sweet and has a good sense of humor

I had never seen the one where she’s just slouched with one tiddy on the table and I have to say that’s the best Relatable Content ™ I’ve seen on this site in Quite A While.

I haven’t seen this in over 2 years and I’m so glad to have found Hilda again!! I absolutely adore her

scottlava:“We’re Werewolves, not Swear-Wolves.“ Yay! Scott C....

Tue, 15 May 2018 21:15:11 -0400

scottlava:

“We’re Werewolves, not Swear-Wolves.“

Yay! Scott C. did “What We Do in the Shadows”!

thereisnosp00n: dotoro3: dundee998: badass-redhead: highlandva...

Tue, 15 May 2018 20:22:52 -0400

thereisnosp00n:

dotoro3:

dundee998:

badass-redhead:

highlandvalley:

これは腕が疲れそうだな

why did the video stop I could literally watch this for years

SOON

heres a full version of the song if anyone needs it

We bought this game for our library VR. Best investment ever.

That looks like it takes way more coordination that I have.

yayfeminism:👏🏻 An interesting take on what people take from...

Mon, 14 May 2018 18:46:55 -0400

yayfeminism:

👏🏻

An interesting take on what people take from consuming mass media. As with most things, whatever you brought in seems to get amplified and becomes what you take out of the media you consume.

Who Does She Think She Is?

Mon, 14 May 2018 18:38:04 -0400

Who Does She Think She Is?:

eliciadonze:

amaluelmwood:

bullet-farmer:

fetus-cakes:

“It took me many years to learn the most important distinguishing factor when trying to decide what criticism to take on board, once you’ve filtered and blocked for bots and fascists. It’s not about tone, and it’s not, for fuck’s sake, about Twitter. It’s about pleasure. Is somebody actively enjoying making you feel like shit? Is driving conscientious people to mental breakdown a really good time for them? Are they getting off on your pain? There’s a word for that, and it’s not “ally.” I understand that bullying can feel pretty damn good, especially if you don’t call it that. I understand that playing the game of trashing feels comfortable and comprehensible, even righteous, when so little else does. But I’ve read all the theory and staggered through all the flame wars and I’ve come to the conclusion that when you get down to it, people who enjoy hurting other people are not worth your time or mine. “

guys this is a very good read, it even touches on how purity culture ruins progressive movements and it was absolutely a problem before tumblr

Whoever you ask, it’s always someone else doing the real harassment — it’s those men over there who are violent and sexist, whereas our way of dealing with difficult women is reasonable and fair. It’s legitimate critique. They have overstepped and they owe us an answer, an apology. We are definitely not attacking her — or her, or her — because she is a woman with power and that makes us uncomfortable. No. That’s something those guys over there do.

@eliciadonze

Oh ho ho ho this is very good reading. Thanks, moogs!

Long read, but good: What it’s like to suffer through constant hate online.

“There are times when survival itself is a political statement. When you have the choice to give up or to move sideways, sometimes the only thing that stops you from doing so is knowing that there are those who would consider that a victory — and yes, that can look like strength. My greatest hope is that future generations will not have to waste their time, their energy, and their youth being as strong as some of us have had to be.”

There's an enormous difference between animal rights and conservation.

Thu, 10 May 2018 15:02:53 -0400

why-animals-do-the-thing:

kaijutegu:

I stopped buying Lush products a while ago, largely because of this issue (I didn’t want to give money to charities that use fear-mongering, hand-wringing anthropomorphism to actively fight biodiversity), and their treatment of the Little Fireface Project only solidified this. Now Lush has sponsored a conference whose end goal is essentially dead elephants, whether they want to admit that or not.

I’m sure they wouldn’t admit it, but their goals- no captive breeding, no zoo care- are hugely problematic from a conservation standpoint because- let’s face it- there’s no way to ensure elephant survival in the wild at this moment in time. Not when there’s such a global demand for ivory, and not when their habitats are so valuable to developers, timber companies, and mining companies.

This of course brings up a really salient ethical issue- if elephants can’t survive long-term in the wild, should we be “ark” breeding them, trying to preserve them in captivity for future generations? Unfortunately, that’s not the question these groups ask. Their “solution” is to just take the elephants from “bad” captivity (zoos) and put them in “good” captivity (sanctuaries).

However, these sanctuaries aren’t actually all that safe for elephants.

They’re not the African savannah minus people, where the elephants can just run free. There’s still barns. There’s still fences. There’s still tuberculosis- zoos can have that too, but zoos have better vet care and actually train the animals to participate in their own healthcare- which means that vet checks are less stressful. Sanctuaries, even the ones that do some vet training, still can’t really disinfect their grounds, and they can’t get rid of that TB bacteria- which can stick around for absolute ages. There’s still risks, and I don’t think these free the elephants people actually realize that. It’s like with cetaceans- the answer isn’t “free ‘em all,” nor is it “captivity is the ONLY SOLUTION.” Animal conservation, especially for species like elephants that have a pretty good wild population, is all about middle roads. There’s got to be a middle ground, and animal rights totally misses that. They’re so obsessed with the idea of “freedom” that they don’t actually stop to think about what freedom really means for these animals. Humans are the most successful invasive species anywhere in the world, and we’re not just going to go away because a bunch of animal rights activists think it’d be good. Even if they do successfully get elephants out of zoos, what good will that do? It won’t stop poaching, it’ll just make good science more difficult to do.

But animal rights people don’t actually care about science. They might think they care about individual animals, but they’re totally missing the point at a species/ecosystem level. Closing zoos will do absolutely nothing positive for wild animals- if anything, it’ll just make things worse. But that’s what these groups want- they still think zoos are animal jails and are willfully ignorant about the actual science of animal conservation. It’s not just about warm fuzzy feelings and the souls of animals- it’s about making logical, rational decisions to protect genetic diversity in these animal populations. Putting all those “poor abused zoo animals” in sanctuaries is not how this is done, and if you refuse to understand that despite the piles and piles of evidence, if you’re fundamentally anti-science, if you really think that feels are more important than reals… well, you’re part of the problem, then, aren’t you. It’s 2018. We’re wreaking havoc on our environment and our ecosystems, and without the careful application of scientific processes and knowledge, we are going to lose these things. We are going to lose the rainforests, we are going to lose millions of species- but hey, at least poor Dumbo got to live out his final years suffering from tuberculosis while somebody who thinks elephants actually talk to them dictated his care.

I’m gonna close with a quote from someone who was at the conference, because it’s kind of ridiculous, but I think proves a point.

“But what, at the end of these three, informative, tear filled, days, did we all come away with?

Did we put together a white board filled with bullet points and action steps on how to free every last one of the elephants around the world that are rotting away before our very eyes?

Nope, not even close.

But what we did achieve is something, in my view, even more important.

We listened to the elephants.”

We listened to the elephants. This is not science. This is not conservation. This is homeopathy at best. It’s not how you “save” elephants. How you save them is through careful captive breeding, making actual efforts to preserve wild elephant habitat with a minimum of human interference, studying their reproduction, diseases, biology, and other things that can impact reproductive success, and work with local communities doing boots-on-the-ground work to help develop sustainable infrastructure and jobs so that elephant ivory is less appealing to the communities that coexist with elephants. Taking elephants out of zoos and putting them in sanctuaries is not at all how to preserve a species.

Elephants are not people. They have extremely different needs, and to assume that a bunch of people who “heard the call of the elephants” but have… no actual scientific, medical, biological, or relevant zoological experience can somehow know how to conserve them better than people who actually study them is fucking ridiculous.

Which is why I’m still not gonna support Lush.

I’ve been saying for ages LUSH is anti-zoo and does not support actual conservation, but instead animal rights initiatives.

LUSH gave 5000 dollars (as the highest tier sponsor!) to a conference where PETA and Zoocheck and the Non-Human Rights project were major panelists.

And now they’re running a charity pot for Free the Oregon Zoo Elephants - the group that is, as described on the charity pot label, “working to end captivity, breeding, and importation of elephants at zoos and beyond.” Well, thanks, LUSH, for actually putting your stance in writing for the world to see.

Yikes, PETA adjacent. The homeopathy metaphor is a good one.

joscribbles:[tardis wiki voice] well they never say that time...

Wed, 09 May 2018 21:23:18 -0400

joscribbles:

[tardis wiki voice] well they never say that time lords peel their bananas before eating them so

tyrranitime: silverhawk: silverhawk: the mexican mole lizard is so good heres a profile shot and...

Wed, 02 May 2018 22:17:04 -0400

tyrranitime:

silverhawk:

silverhawk:

the mexican mole lizard is so good

heres a profile shot

and heres its lil mole hands

THE MEXICAN MOLE LIZARD !

MEXICAN MOLE LIZARD!!!!

EXCUSE YOU that’s a LINDWORM

What a cutie!

doodleofboredom:It begins, I guess. The blobfish counter guy is...

Wed, 02 May 2018 20:27:28 -0400

doodleofboredom:

It begins, I guess.

The blobfish counter guy is the best.

stutterhug: Kindred...

Thu, 26 Apr 2018 15:24:58 -0400

stutterhug:

Kindred Spirits~

((Patreon))

A dwarf with glorious hair.

annabellaburns: hockeylvr42: delotha: pyrrhiccomedy: peachesn...

Thu, 26 Apr 2018 15:10:33 -0400

annabellaburns:

hockeylvr42:

delotha:

pyrrhiccomedy:

peachesnsunshine:

sixpenceee:

Dust, stars, and cosmic rays swirling around Comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko, captured by the Rosetta probe. (Source)

*kicks the front door in* DO YOU SEE HOW GODDAMN FUCKING COOL THIS SHIT IS

WE HAVE VIDEO. FROM THE SURFACE OF A COMET. SENT BY A ROBOT.

ROSETTA PROBE YOU’RE AMAZING WE LOVE YOU

That cliff is a kilometer high. is Here’s what you’re actually looking at:

THANK YOU

i was wondering

Not only is this shit cool as hell but you gotta realize how unbelievably remarkable of a task this is and how hard it was to pull off.

Humans managed to send a tiny hunk of metal stuffed with electronics millions and millions and millions of miles away through this hostile, airless envionent to land (without breaking it!) on the equivalent of a dirty snowball shooting though outer space

That’s like shooting a bullet from LA to London and hitting a moving target that’s only one foot across, and having the bullet survive the ordeal unscathed.

Plus! We humans developed a way to videotape and transmit pictures from this snowball in space so we know what it’s like to stand the surface.

I mean, is that not mind blowingly amazing???

NOT TO FORGET!!! That where they landed wasn’t where they originally planned to and they nearly failed but these humans STILL MANAGED to succeed!!! It’s really amazing.

Twitter user landru79 put together photos from the Rosetta probe of a comet to create a scene that looks like it’s out of an old Sci Fi movie.

A beautiful animation with creatures made of naturally found...

Fri, 20 Apr 2018 16:05:08 -0400

A beautiful animation with creatures made of naturally found objects and CGI to put them together.